Q: What is the reward parents receive for being patient and thanking Allah, when they have an infant or child die?

A: There are many texts in the Quran and Sunnah, which point to the virtue and great reward of those who are patient and state that Allah will give them reward without measure. This includes everyone who bears with patience any calamity with which he is tested. Undoubtedly the loss of a child is one of the greatest calamities for the one whom it befalls. Whoever bears that with patience and accepts the will and decree of Allah will have a great reward by the grace and bounty of Allah. There follow some of these texts, which we hope will be of consolation to you in your time of calamity:
Allah says (interpretation of the meanings):
 “And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As- Saabiroon (the patient).
Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: ‘Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.’
They are those on whom are the Salawaat (i.e. who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His Mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones” [al-Baqarah 2:155-157]
 “And Allah loves As-Saabiroon (the patient)” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:146]
 “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning” [al-Zumar 39:10]
And there are many similar verses.
There are also many ahaadeeth, including the following:
Muslim (5318) narrated that Suhayb said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “How wonderful is the affair of the believer, for his affair is all good, and this applies to no one except the believer. If something good happens to him, he gives thanks and that is good for him, and if something bad happens to him, he bears it with patience, and that is good for him.” This has to do with the virtues of patience in general.
There are also hadiths which speak specifically of losing a child. For example:
Al-Tirmidhi (942) narrated that Abu Sinaan said: I buried my son Sinaan and Abu Talhah al-Khoolaani was sitting at the graveside. When I wanted to go out he took my hand and said, “Shall I not give you some glad tidings, O Abu Sinaan?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Al-Dahhaak ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Arzab narrated to me from Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “When a person’s child dies, Allah says to His angels, ‘You have taken the child of My slave.’ They say, ‘Yes.’ He says, ‘You have taken the apple of his eye.’ They say, ‘Yes.’ He says, ‘What did My slave say?’ They say, ‘He praised you and said “Innaa lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon (Verily to Allah we belong and unto Him is our return).’ Allah says, ‘Build for My slave a house in Paradise and call it the house of praise.’”
 (Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1408)
It was narrated in al-Saheehayn that there is a special reward for the person whose child dies but he bears that with patience and hopes for reward. It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the women said to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “Give us a day (to teach us),” So he preached to them and said, “Any woman who loses three of her children, they will be a shield for her against the Fire.” A woman said, “And two?” He said, “And two.”
 (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 99; Muslim, 4786)
According to a report narrated by al-Bukhaari (1292), Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “There is no Muslim who loses three of his children before they reach the age of puberty, but Allah will admit him to Paradise by virtue of His Mercy towards them.”
These ahaadeeth explain that if two or more of a person’s children die and he bears that with patience, then he is promised Paradise and salvation from the Fire.
Our Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) taught us a du’aa’ to say at times of calamity, in which there is virtue and great reward. Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (1525) that Umm Salamah said: I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) say, “There is no Muslim who is afflicted with a calamity and says that which Allah has enjoined, Innaa lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon. Allaahumma ajurni fi museebati wakhluf li khayran minha (Verily to Allah we belong and unto Him is our return. O Allaah, reward me for my calamity and compensate me with something better than it), but Allaah will compensate him with something better than it.” She said, When Abu Salamah died, I said, who among the Muslims is better than Abu Salamah, the first household to migrate to the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)? Then I said these words, and Allaah compensated me with the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him).